Sanctuary

It's been a very long time since last on here.
things have changed alot
mind you i still love the same man.
but where is he now
where we left off 
when i started this journal
well
that is
we 
both
are
alone
me
him

this past friday 11 nove went to the club with a group of friends was great then Chriss offered to take me home so I accepted.
Didn't get home till early sat morning!
he told me that he has 3 more times to go to ottowa with his brother till he gets to have more time at home.

Lastnight Keven came by 4 pm
was going to take me shopping he thought the stores where open till 6 pm
but nope not on sundays.
He felt as he was at fault! So we went upstairs chatted for a bit then went to play pool, It's wiered how open we are with eachother.
He gave me a massage, and tention broke lose a little.
He must now learn that he shall not thing that he has power over me because he doesnt.

I went to the nin concert with Drew on Thursday Nov 10th, It was great not only because i got to see NIN but also that I hadn't seen Drew in such a long time and I missed him so. I will admit i was kinda nervius of meeting him for the first time in a while but it went super!
How ever at the end of the night I text Keven to come get me from the concert since I was already down town and figuerd it was the best way of meeting him for once and for all, Keven was at his fathers place for dinner that night but i told him after the concert i text him back and told him to text me when he got outside of Velvet where he would come to pick me up. So he did and that night he drove me home, Drew thought I was nutts but I know not smart but hey I had a Pen on me HAHA!
anyhow that night will remain a favorit of mine since I got to see NIN's , Drew and then Keven.
Couldnt have asked for me or could i have?!!! hmmmm.....HAHA
anyways didnt end up going to bed till 4 am.

Well finally i've updated my journal, yes it's been a long time been too busy with other things in life. However things are going well and Things are starting to seem brighter for me than i once thought was just gonna keep getting worse.

Have you ever known anything to truly satisfy the existential itch in your mind? Nothing ever has. Nothing ever will. Momentarily you may satisfy it, but even if you do, notice that "over there," there's just one more thing. As long as you hold yourself apart, there's always something you have to get or get away from.
"I want to be awake." "Iwant enlightenment." "I want understanding." "I want freedom and peace of mind." It's like an itch in your mind, yet you're left with no hand to scratch it with.

1. A follower of the way does not kill.

2. A follower of the way does not take what is not given.

3. A follower of the way does not abuse the sinses.

4. A follower of the way does not speak deceptively.

5. A follower of the way does not intoxicate oneself or others.

Happy Bithday Kevin
and I am very proud of you for obaying what I told you to do.
I am so looking forwards for today.

well look who's comming back to Toronto in concert and guess who's going again

May 8,9 NIN is where i'm going to be heading both nights now if anyone has one extra ticket I'd like you to post a comment on how much and where i can reach you, this goes for either nights.

or you can contact me on my msn which is alex_sandra_d@hotmail.com
or call me on my cell 416 824 6125.

So I'm going for a CATSCANE April 20th because for some reson my doctor and the throut doc. couldn't find anything wrong with my x-rays, But there has to be something wrong because I have been having pain in my sineses and pain right under my eyes and around my jaw area. I dont know whats going on I know it can't be anything really bad but still it's horrible to live with being always so dame tired and in a nagging pain.
Make it stop .Please......

I am thinking of taking a course in Nursing in college, it's a 2 yrs program with a deploma then I might just expand my knowledge within the area and go for another 2 yrs.
I love helping people and think that's a good perpose to be here on earth instead of selling some kind of products you don't belive in or agree with selling to clients just to get your company to grow.
Anyways that's just my theary on life.
~a~

Let it shine on a rainy day,
you worship the ground she walks upon,
Stare at eyes with a hue that is not solid green nor blue
Close your eyes as you admire a whisper passing by from an angels voice you do as you have been told.

Getting tickets to NIN for this upcomming week.
APRIL 5 MUDVAYNE

Yay finally getting back worthful money from the government this year
but with all that I'm putting it safe in my RRSP'S.

Been thinking:
I'm going to the spa to get a nice body massage because for some reson my whole body has been achking and it's so tense, so I thinks it's time to get that delt with and then also might go for a wax.

Anyways I don't know what to write anymore these days so tootles.

I feel so Little so dead inside, Where am I who am I...
Hello.....
anyone listening.....
Hello?!

How I'd like to
Pull apart your rib cage pull out your bloodfilled vains rap them around your throught have you chocked by them while I shove your intestines in your mouth so you sufficate.....this is the least pain that you've put me through with all those lies and lame excuses you've told me.....you made me feel like shit now it's time for you to become a peace of shit.
...
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm lost in the feeling how individuals get when on a high.
The feeling of the first touch, that makes it stream down into every nerve your body holds,
The first kiss that feels endless to the unknown world

Silenced room when piercing through those eyes of the known sitting in front of you,
The communication is telepathic to the minds,
and endless to the unknown world

The presents of the known awakens the soul with a smile,
worms up the heart and is fearless,

awakening for the truth,
suffering inside
only I know the strength of my heart put into depth
only the known knows the sheltering of his denial
with this
the end comes
strike one,
the known holds the Ace of spades
in his hands.......

Tonights the night for all missbehaving,being delt with punishment by, trampling, mummyfication, rope boundage, spanking, disaplined by dom.
Yes you called it I'm going tonight to the club to get rid of my sins....and venture into play with others.
Theme:.....Fetphoto Dungeon Party

So it's still Winter but at least it's sunny:)

My new hair colour has already started to faid on me so now it's a red with brown undertone instead of redviolet.

I'm swimming 80 laps a day, and building bodystrength by lightweight lifting.

Started reading Jenna Jamson's " How to make love to a porn star".

I have blue eyes instead of green today.

And I'm happy today, but confused of why I am .....

Victoria secrets have came up with the best selution ever.........
The bra that has the same effect as the PUSH UP, but it doesn't have the padding........oh wait till I get my hands on them babies......


Can't wait till the weekend dressin up Girls Nite out.